The Art of Receiving Feedback

I always thought I was pretty good at asking for and receiving feedback. However, a recent experience made me pause for reflection, and when I took a step back to observe my behavior, I actually laughed at myself when I realized the significant lesson I could learn. 

I gave a document to a colleague to provide feedback. When she gave me her input, she noted a minor wording change that had been made that had potentially big implications in perception and buy-in for our project. It wasn’t that I didn’t agree with her opinion on the change that was needed. I had noticed the change that was made by someone else involved in the project but in the haste of things I moved on and didn’t take action. I was also very proud of the work I had done and had spent specific time ensuring that the tone and messaging was appropriate. So when feedback was made on that theme, I wasn’t thrilled about it. 

Asking for and receiving feedback is important for two critical reasons. First, feedback allows us to learn and grow. We cannot improve our performance if we don’t know where improvements are needed. Second, asking for and receiving feedback well, demonstrates and models to others that feedback is a normal and necessary part of personal and professional development and helps to create a culture of continuous improvement.

Knowing the importance of receiving feedback, here are some lessons and guidelines for becoming a master in this skill set. 

Be genuine in the request
If you are going to ask for feedback, be sure to check-in with yourself and your intentions behind asking for feedback. If you are only seeking feedback for validation and you are not open to constructive feedback, you could damage the relationship with the person you requested feedback and the wider cultural effort to normalize feedback. 

​Have a growth mindset
No one is immune to that feeling of dread when you know that potentially “negative” feedback is coming your way, including me. But is it really negative? 

Check out this clip from The Travel Leader on
Self-Awareness and Feedback with Stephanie Sparks Smith

Feedback in all of its forms is actually a true gift. It takes a lot of courage for the person sitting across from you to give that feedback directly and there are more times than not in your career where colleagues and leaders will actually avoid it, especially as you grow as you become a more senior leader. Having a growth mindset around feedback- the understanding that your abilities and intelligence can be developed through hard work and perseverance - will help you separate the feedback from a tendency to take things personally and will only help you to grow and develop beyond your expectations. 

Be 100% accountable
When I received the feedback on my project, I initially could only see that the feedback was not mine to receive. In other words, I became defensive and was quick to assign responsibility to someone else. I was so convinced in my viewpoint, that I made additional efforts to reason and explain why the mistake had happened. And then, in a light bulb moment, I saw what I was missing. There is a difference between taking responsibility for the feedback and being accountable for the feedback. Taking responsibility is about owning mistakes or need for improvement for your assigned and executed tasks. Being accountable is about owning the outcomes and results of your role. I knew my truth and didn’t need to internalize responsibility for the changed document. However, the much better response would have been to thank the feedback giver for their input and work to make it right without excuses. I was the “leader” of this project, and it was my job to be 100% accountable. 

Trust your judgment
Feedback is a prominent theme in my coaching work. I gave a recent leadership training for a management team at a hotel in which creating a cultural of feedback was a central part. I also hear it in my one on one coaching sessions with clients. In one example, a client who is very genuine and skilled in this area, received feedback from a colleague that didn’t fully resonate with her. There are times when feedback may not be 100% true. Feedback givers come with their own personal perspectives and viewpoints which can cloud the ability to give accurate feedback. In the worst cases, the feedback giver could be projecting their own deficiencies and insecurities on to you. Remember to trust your own judgment and get multiple perspectives, while also realizing that there is always some truth to feedback. My client also said very wisely in this case that perception matters regardless of the level of absolute truth. 

Take action
Finally, what’s the point of getting feedback if you don’t take action on it? The true test of your ability to receive feedback is whether or not you have learned from it and taken action to improve upon it. 

The journey through receiving and acting on feedback is an intricate dance of humility, growth, and resilience. My recent reflection illuminated not just a blind spot in my own approach to feedback but also a universal truth about human nature and the continuous quest for improvement. The realization that feedback is a gift, one that requires an open heart and mind to fully appreciate and learn from, has been transformative. Let us carry the lessons learned with grace, understanding that each piece of feedback, whether easy or difficult to digest, is a stepping stone towards our better selves. In embracing feedback with a genuine desire for growth and a commitment to accountability, we not only enhance our personal and professional development but also contribute to a culture that values and promotes continuous learning. Let's cherish the feedback we receive, trust our judgment, and take decisive action to mold a future marked by excellence and enduring success.