 I don’t know exactly when I realized that I was a perfectionist. I don’t think there was one specific moment, but rather a series of experiences that began to emerge about this part of me; a very late night finishing a presentation, laboring over insignificant details of a project, getting down on myself for making a mistake…the list goes on. There are two moments I remember, however, that have been pivotal in my thinking about perfectionism. These moments taught me 1) that there was a deeper story behind my perfectionism and 2) that when I couldn’t let go of perfectionism, I was denying myself the opportunity to grow. Perfectionism: What it's really about The first moment came when I was reading Brené Brown’s Dare to Lead. I remember sitting on my couch reading the section about perfectionism and having a mind blowing realization. In her book, Brown explains that perfectionism is about more than holding yourself to a high standard. What it is really about is protecting yourself from a fear of shame, blame or judgment. Let me give a simple example to illustrate. When my children were younger, I agonized for years about what they wore to school everyday. I wanted them to wear clothes that matched in color and patterns, didn’t have stains or rips and made my children look put together. To ensure that they wore what I wanted, I made it easy for them by selecting outfits for an entire week and putting them in one of those closet organizers with the days of the week written on each pocket. It drove me crazy when they would come downstairs wearing something else (likely a leopard top with striped pants or something to that effect). What was I afraid of? That the fashion police would arrest them? Maybe I was also a bit worried they would get made fun of by their peers. But deep down, the real issue was that I was worried what adults would think or say about ME -that I didn’t take care of my kids well enough and that I was a bad mother. If it shows up in one area of your life, it's likely to show up in others. I can name countless more examples in my professional life of when I sought to produce the perfect result all in a pro-active defense so no one had the chance to label me as unintelligent, not good enough or less-than. Brown calls this “armored leadership”. In his book Hidden Potential, Adam Grant discusses other perfectionist tendencies such as avoiding situations that involve risk or the possibility of failure. Thus, to keep up the perfect facade, perfectionists stick close to what feels comfortable, known and safe. If they do take a risk and make a mistake, they berate themselves endlessly and retreat. Stuck in this safe zone, perfectionists can be held back from learning new things and stretching their capabilities. Again, this scenario is all too familiar. I once gave an important workshop and froze just after the first few minutes. I had to take a break so I could gather my thoughts and resume again. I was depressed about it for weeks afterwards and nearly vowed to never get up in front of a group again. How to overcome perfectionism: Brown and Grant provide a number of useful strategies for overcoming perfectionism.
It’s not the height of the peak, but how far you’ve climbed (Hidden Potential by Adam Grant) For instance, instead of armored leadership choose for daring leadership by focusing not on being perfect but how you can improve. In the process, extinguish shame with empathy and self-compassion. (Dare to Lead by Brené Brown). Shift the self-talk away from “my career is ruined” to “everyone makes mistakes, I’ll do better next time”. Let go, to gain Adam Grant points to an important mindset shift: "To be disciplined in some areas, we have to let others go. Know when to push for the best and when to settle for good enough.” - In other words, when we choose to let go of the less important, we are choosing in favor of what is most important and will likely bring more success. There is beauty in imperfection Many great inventions have come out of seemingly “imperfect” situations. Penicillin was invented after a scientist discovered that mold was killing bacteria in a petri dish. A swiss engineer invented velcro after examining burdock burrs under a microscope that had stuck to his clothing on a hike. A 3M scientist working on creating a super strong adhesive accidentally created a weak adhesive that could easily be removed without residue. This invention eventually led to the creation of Post-It Notes. What if we embraced being imperfect and intentionally created opportunities to experiment, fail, and grow? The possibilities are endless. My perfectionist days are far from over, however, learning the source of the issue and some of these strategies to overcome the negative consequences has made it more manageable for me. One way I know that I think differently about being perfect is how I reflect on my mistakes. I am much more likely today to ask myself: what am I supposed to learn from this? Building this habit has liberated me from the idea that “perfect” is the standard to live by. It's an impossible standard anyway.
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 The question of when to say yes to a professional opportunity is an important one and one that I have thought about many times. When something comes across my path, such as a committee, board position or maybe even a job, I can think of 101 reasons to say yes. One of my values is to contribute, which makes me vulnerable to saying yes way too often. If I see a need, a challenge or an opportunity to improve something, my mind starts spinning about all the ways I might be able to help. The reality is that it is impossible to do everything. And not everything that comes upon your path is a right fit for your career and leadership development. So how do you decide?
It’s not always easy to judge our instincts without more specific reflection. If you are in the process of choosing what’s right for you, it might be helpful to test your instincts with specific questions related to what’s most important to you.
Network and Relationships: Does the opportunity connect you directly to a network of people that can help you advance your career or business? Is the opportunity related to your industry or target audience? Can the people involved make decisions or influence decisions related to your career or introduce you to the right people? Goal Alignment: Is the opportunity a stepping stone to achieve a specific goal? Does the opportunity directly correlate to the achievement of that goal. Personal Brand and Reputation: Does the opportunity intentionally advance your personal brand or reputation? Is the subject matter related to your area of expertise or an area you want to become known for? Skills and Expertise: Does the opportunity help you develop a skill or expertise in your area of interest? If you are developing leadership skills, for example, board roles can help develop skills like strategy, finance, collaboration and relationship building. Inspiration, Values and Purpose: Does the opportunity inspire you, speak to your personal values and/or life purpose? Does it give you feelings around integrity, meaning and fulfillment? When to say no…
In the end, making the right choice is about trusting yourself and being intentional. When an opportunity arises, take a moment to pause and reflect, using the guiding questions to determine if it truly aligns with your goals, values, and long-term aspirations. Not every opportunity is meant for you, and that's okay. Saying "no" when it’s not the right fit is just as important as saying "yes" when it is. By making decisions grounded in purpose and clarity, you’ll create space for the opportunities that truly matter, moving you forward with integrity and confidence.  Early in my hospitality career a seed of an idea began to grow in my mind. What if I created a gathering of like-minded women who were seeking the same kind of community, connection and leadership development that I desired for myself? For a long time, this idea swirled in my head and then the doubt began to set in. Is it really a good idea? Would other people want to attend? Would it be good enough? Am I good enough to do this? Self-doubt is a silent but powerful force that can prevent us from pursuing new opportunities and achieving our full potential. Whether it’s applying for a new job, starting a business, stepping into a leadership role, or in my case creating an event, self-doubt can creep in, making us question our abilities and worthiness. While it’s natural to experience some uncertainty when facing new challenges, allowing self-doubt to dominate can keep us stuck in our comfort zones, missing out on the growth and fulfillment that comes with taking risks. There is evidence to support that feelings of self-doubt, may be more pervasive for women than men. According to a 2014 article from The Atlantic, “The Confidence Gap”, women can be less likely to speak up, ask for promotions, or advocate for themselves in the workplace than their male counterparts. A study by Carnegie Mellon Professor Linda Babcock found that in a sample set of women negotiating salaries for their jobs, only 7% of women negotiated compared to 57% of men. Even when offered a promotion, women can be surprised and turn them down because they doubt their abilities to carry out the role (Sponsoring Women Leaders: What you Might be Missing) Self-doubt, while maybe more prevalent in women, is not exclusive to women. One of the questions I often ask my guests on The Travel Leader Podcast is “when have you under-estimated yourself”. Whether female or male, the most resounding answer is “ALL the time”.
Fear of Being a Fraud (Imposter Syndrome)
Strategies to Overcome Self-Doubt While I continue to experience self-doubt on a regular basis, I can thankfully look back with pride that I was able to turn that seed into flower and launch Accelerate Women Leaders in Travel in 2019. We’ve since held our retreat for five years and continue to grow our reach and impact. I can’t imagine now, not taking that step, but it took some very specific actions to make it happen. First, I voiced the idea out loud. I began with two people in the industry I trusted and asked them what they thought about it. Feeling more confident that the idea was valid, I started with one conversation with a person I knew who had run significant events in the past. She then referred me to someone else…and the rest is history. Overcoming self-doubt requires a combination of self-awareness, practical strategies, and a commitment to personal growth. Here are some effective strategies to help you move past self-doubt and take on new opportunities with confidence:
It is is challenging, and it is a mental repetition of saying I can do it, I am enough, I am still in the process...- Viviana Wilkins, Director of Asset Management and Investor Relations TLT Solutions Reframe Negative Thoughts:
Once the negative self talk begins, do not let it linger. Get it out of your head immediately. Do that so you can move forward. Because if you do nothing, nothing will happen. - Portia Hood, Director of Sales and Marketing, Hilton Seek Support and Feedback:
Reflect on Past Successes:
Embrace a Growth Mindset:
Self-doubt is a natural part of the human experience, but it doesn’t have to hold you back from pursuing new opportunities. By understanding the specific fears that fuel your self-doubt and applying strategies to overcome them, you can build the confidence to step out of your comfort zone and embrace the possibilities that lie ahead. Remember, growth often happens outside of what’s familiar, and the only way to truly know what you’re capable of is to take that leap. This blog post was originally published in 2022. One of my latest podcast episodes warranted a revision and addition of new thoughts and contribution on the topic from guest Lisa Garner.  Photo credit: ChatGPT4o Communication has got to be one of the most emphasized and underdeveloped work and leadership skills. How many times have I heard or said, “you need to communicate better”? If its so important, why do we struggle to get it right? Mid-way through my career, communicating effectively as a leader, is a skill I work on daily. I spend a lot of effort un-learning what I thought good communication to be usually through trial and lots of errors. I’ve written emails that I thought were perfectly fine but received angry responses in return. I’ve had conversations with employees and the employee quit by the end of it. I’ve posted things social media that didn’t sit well with our audience. By definition, communication is simply the exchange of information between individuals. Effective communication, however, is a much more complicated phenomena and fraught with land mines where it can blow up in your face. In my experience, communication has gone wrong for me because I believed that the goal was to impart information to another person and make sure they understand what ever that information may be. When in fact, there is really just one goal, for every kind of communication: to build trust. Who are you most likely to take advice from? – A friend you trust. What advertisements convince you to buy a product or service? – Those that come from a company or brand you trust. When do you best receive feedback in your work? – When it comes from a manager you trust. Effective communication starts with a genuine mindset shift that when we are exchanging information, we are also open and genuinely receiving what is coming from the other. When the other person, or your target audience believes in your authenticity, trust begins to form. There are practices that support this trust building.
5. Self-awareness – reflecting on your own mistakes, checking in with your ego, assumptions and biases.
6. Clarity – as Brené Brown would say “Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind”. 7. Transparency - explaining the "why" and sharing information even when people may not like it. Watch a clip from my recent episode on The Travel Leader Podcast with guest Lisa Garner from Concord Hospitality Enterprises in which she describes how she implements transparent communication with her team members to build trust. The above is no means an exhaustive list of trust building practices or elements of effective communication. However, having the above practices in mind before starting a conversation, email, presentation or marketing piece, is a great place to start if you are looking to increase your communication efficacy and build more trust.  Nearly sixty percent of Americans (58% according to the Deloitte 2024 Summer Travel Survey) reported planning a vacation for this summer. The number one motivator for travel? …rest and relaxation. But if you are like me, the motivation may not always be matched by the outcome.
In my experience, vacations are fraught with high expectations. While absolutely necessary and beneficial, meeting the expectation of coming back refreshed and rejuvenated is harder than I plan. It starts with the impossible list of tasks and responsibilities I’ve set out to complete before leaving on vacation. Then comes an exhausting and sometimes stressful day of travel. Once we’ve settled into our accommodation, family quibbling is a given and it could take 2-3 days before I fully unwind. In the worst cases, I get sick - my body finally giving way after the adrenaline wears off from the constant turn of the hamster wheel. I’m lucky if I have two days of bliss, before I already start thinking about and dreading the pile up of work that waits for me when I return. Not to mention the emails I’ve read and responded to along the way. I’ll be the first to admit, I haven’t always had and still don’t have the healthiest habits around vacations. However, what has changed is my mindset about what really contributes to a sustainable pace and rhythm between work and rest. Taking two, one week vacations per year, is no longer the be all end all. The thought that two weeks out of the year could sustain me for the 50 other weeks is really crazy to begin with! To sustain rest and relaxation on a regular basis, beyond vacation, we need to create reserves of three things:
To have a reserve means you have more than you need. In today’s world, our time, space and energy is often over leveraged. We give out, more than we take in. But, you can’t run a car without gas. I don’t know about you, but I always fill my tank before setting off on a road trip. Why don’t we do the same for our minds and our bodies? There are many benefits to building reserves of time, space and energy. When we build reserves we create the ability to choose to do what fulfills us and allows us to be our true selves. We give ourselves the space to grow and thrive. We are happier and more at peace. In turn we are more “attractive” to our friends, loved ones and colleagues creating successful and meaningful relationships. And remember those coveted vacations? Those actually become enjoyable because you no longer depend on them like trying to rehydrate from a tiny sip of water in a dry desert. To start your journey building reserves, think about these questions:
Want to chat about what’s getting in the way of building your reserves? Reach out! And check out this idea bank to trigger your own reserve building steps.  Mistakes are opportunities to learn My 14 year old son recently got his first “real” summer job at a local coffee and lunch hot spot. “Real” as in, he’s learned life lessons like “what do you mean they take social security and Medicare out of my paycheck?” And real in the sense that taking on a new job requires lots of training, mistakes and learning. In his first couple of weeks, there have been mistakes a plenty. He’s showed up to work at the wrong time, rung up a customer incorrectly on the point of sale and spilled multiple smoothies and iced lattes. His supervisors have been understanding and empathetic. And, through all of it, he’s been eager to return each day and try again, each time performing a little better and adding more value as a team member. What would have happened if was reprimanded at the first sight of spilled milk? Would he have been as eager to go back to work each day? Would he be inclined to speak up and ask questions about something he didn’t understand? Probably not… Blame and shame can have dire consequences Unfortunately in the professional world, environments where mistakes and failure are severely frowned upon are all too common. Team members are disciplined and shamed. In environments like these, employee engagement is low and performance and innovation are lackluster. In her book “The Fearless Organization”, Amy Edmundson recounts several case studies demonstrating these poor results. On the worst days, these environments are breeding grounds for disasters and tragedy. In 2018 and 2019 a total of 364 passengers died in two major crashes involving the Boeing 737 max aircraft. During the investigation of the crashes it was found that the cause was related to a faulty design of its autopilot system. Boeing has since admitted that its employees withheld information about this design flaw during the initial certification process for the aircraft. Build psychological safety to foster learning and innovation In workplaces with high levels of psychological safety, team members feel safe to speak up, ask for help or admit mistakes without fear of blame or humiliation. On their best days, these environments foster creativity, learning and innovation. Leaders are critical to creating psychologically safe workplaces. One of the most critical factors in shaping this type of organizational culture is how mistakes and failures are framed. Instead of framing them as bad or detrimental to the organization, leaders de-stigmatize mistakes and facilitate team member growth by encouraging learning and forward movement.
When mistakes are seen as opportunities for learning rather than grounds for reprimand, employees are more likely to engage, innovate, and contribute meaningfully. As leaders, it's essential to foster environments where team members feel safe to admit errors and seek help. As exemplified by Arun Upneja, Dean of Hospitality Administration at Boston University, embracing mistakes can propel us toward greater innovation and growth. If we want to push the envelope in the hospitality and travel industry, we must encourage a culture where failure is not feared but welcomed as a stepping stone to success.
 One of my clients recently came to a session wanting to discuss personal and professional goals for the coming months. One of the goals was to improve her playing of a musical instrument. My client, “Patricia”, was however struggling to follow through with her commitment to practicing her instrument. She would schedule the time in her calendar and then move her practice time or let it go by. She wanted to figure out how she could change this. Why habit forming is important for leadership development 1. Insights from one set of habits can be applied to other new habit goals What does this have to do with leadership and professional development? In our discussion, Patricia identified a key piece of relevance. She felt that if she could identify what was holding her back in this example of playing her instrument that she could unlock what would make a difference for her in other areas such as her business and professional development. Patricia also discovered in our session that in order to make this habit more accessible to her that the practice needed to be meaningful, flexible and feel like a choice. These were all discoveries that could be applied to other habits and behaviors she desired to change. 2. Habits make leadership competencies actionable Over the past few months I’ve been presenting to travel and hospitality groups about The 7 Habits of Transformational Leaders. Transformational leadership is a leadership style focusing on inspiring and motivating team members to create exceptional results. As I was creating the idea for this leadership competency workshop, I knew that I wanted to frame it within a set of habits that helped guide leaders to integrate transformational leadership into their leadership toolbox. The reason for this is that when thinking about leadership styles, it isn’t always obvious how to translate how different styles are executed in day-to-day scenarios. In order to be able to implement it, we need to identify smaller tangible and actionable behaviors that put it into practice and achieve the desired results. In other words, we need habits. 3. Building small habits successfully fosters self-efficacy and motivation A recent webinar provided by James Garrett, a Brain Coach and Neuroscience Entrepreneur, confirmed the reason that small habits are the mothership of all other competency development. According to Dr. BJ Fogg, author of Tiny Habits, when we want to accomplish something we often set out with big goals and high motivation. If the habit is difficult, long, and/or complex, our motivation can begin to slide because we don’t see or recognize intermediate successes. This can lead us to drop the habit altogether. If we begin with habits that are easy, short, and/or simplified, we see quicker results which can motivate us to continue, expand and reach for bigger and longer term goals. Leadership development is a life-long journey that is rewarding but very challenging. If we can build successes and increase our motivation with any kind of habit, we can improve our “beliefs in our ability to influence an outcome”. This itself is the core meaning of what it means to be a leader. How to build habits that stick
Let’s go back to Patricia’s challenge around building her instrument playing habit. As we explored this, it became clear that the challenge was not related to having available time, but was rather a matter of practice feeling inaccessible, more like a chore than a desire, and even burdensome. Further discussion revealed that freedom of choice was an important value of hers. Because practicing her instrument was feeling like a chore, she felt that her value of freedom was being challenged. With this discovery, we were on to something and we could work on how she could come back into alignment with her values and remove the barriers that were making it difficult to follow through on her commitment to practicing her instrument. We set out to answer the question: what would make playing her instrument feel like a choice? This was after all the reason why she started playing her instrument in the first place. The scenario above demonstrates many research based findings around habit forming. In his book Atomic Habits, James Clear posits that behavior change is driven by three levels - outcome, process and identity. All three are important, however, identity based changes are the most powerful and lead to habit formation that sticks. Patricia was very clear about the outcome behavior she wanted- to improve the quality of her playing so that it was music to her ears. However, her process based goals and behaviors were underdeveloped and the hidden conflict with her values and identity was becoming an obstacle to achieving her goal. Through our coaching session, Patricia was able to identify what process based changes and goals she could have that would make her practice more accessible and allow her to see progress. For instance, getting more comfortable with holding her instrument. Patricia also tapped into what would allow her to feel like playing was again a choice by deciding that she would be more flexible about what practice looked like and follow the feeling of what would bring her joy in that moment of playing. Instead of demanding herself to practice for an hour, for example, on some days a 30 minute practice might feel more right for her. This was an important discovery about how she could re-align with her value around freedom of choice and therefore create an identity based behavior that sticks. Implement your habit forming operating system According to James Clear, long term results depend on the implementation of an effective operating system. Clear identified a four step feedback loop process for building better habits.
Check out this infographic for a quick guide on how to implement this operating system. Tiny habits can indeed lead to big changes, both personally and professionally. By identifying and addressing the underlying values and motivations that influence our behavior, we can create habits that stick. As seen in Patricia's journey, aligning habits with our core values can transform a burdensome task into a fulfilling and enjoyable activity. This approach not only applies to personal goals, like learning an instrument but also to professional development and leadership. By breaking down larger goals into manageable, meaningful habits, leaders can foster self-efficacy, sustain motivation, and ultimately achieve transformational results. The key to successful habit formation lies in making it obvious, attractive, easy, and satisfying. So, start small, stay consistent, and watch as these tiny habits lead to big, impactful changes in your life and work. Are you interested in building your leadership habits and influencing impactful change? Let’s chat!  This post, 7 Habits of Transformational Leaders from AHLA ForWard 2024, was originally published by hertelier as part of their three part recap series of the AHLA ForWard 2024 conference My first job in hospitality was ringing the dinner bell at my parent’s converted farm house bed and breakfast. Throughout my youth and into my 20’s I served in many hospitality positions. One might think that I was made to follow in my parent’s footsteps to take over the hotel, but I had other plans. After a career in human rights and development, however, I came back. While initially struggling to adjust, I learned early on that I could have a big impact on important people and that my success as a leader was dependent on my willingness to look at myself in the mirror and continuously improve my leadership skills.
One of the things I struggled most with as a leader was employee turnover. And I’m not alone. While average turnover across industries is 12-15%, the average is 73.8% in hospitality according to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics. The hospitality workforce needs better leaders, and Transformational Leadership provides at least part of the answer. Defining transformational leadership Transformational leadership is a leadership style focused on inspiring and motivating team members to achieve exceptional results. It differentiates itself from other leadership styles with its focus on the support of individuals in their personal and professional development. It is a leadership style that is most effective when leaders are facing challenges that require innovation and adaptation or when leaders want to inspire team members towards a common goal. Becoming a transformational leader with identity based habits In my workshop I introduced 7 identity based habits to guide leaders on their path towards transformational leadership. With identity based habits, small frequent improvements can lead to a big impact over time. With evidence and background from James Clear’s book Atomic Habits, we discussed how identity based habits vs. process or outcome based habits are more likely to stick. When leaders adopt these 7 identity based habits they create a sense of purpose, promote personal growth and development and enable connection and autonomy. As a result, leaders can more effectively lead change and lead through disruption while simultaneously creating a work culture where team members thrive. Breaking down the 7 habits 1) Be the example 2) Motivate through inspiration 3) Give personalized support 4) Propel continuous learning 5) Enable lines of sight 6) Build systems that empower 7) Empower team members to make it their own During the workshop, participants were introduced to these 7 habits and we took a deeper dive into giving personalized support and empowering team members to make it their own. I used examples from my own experiences as well as the stories from my guests on The Travel Leader Podcast to make these theoretical concepts more relatable and actionable. *The 7 Habits for Transformational Leadership model was developed by Tim and Janine Bower at B Optimal Consulting in collaboration with me Rachel Vandenberg at The Travel Leader Coach. Want to learn more about this leadership style and how to integrate it into your leadership execution, please reach out!  The last couple of months I’ve had the opportunity to speak to different groups of hospitality professionals on leadership topics in Vermont, New York City, Connecticut and Rhode Island. Two were groups of leaders within the same hospitality company and two were network organizations for women leaders in hospitality. Communities like these have a tremendous opportunity to influence the professional development of leaders. Looking back to the different networks and communities I’ve participated in over the years and the ones I’ve spoken to, the best communities are those that share a number of common characteristics including purpose, connection, inspiration, learning and fun.
Shared goals or common purpose Communities are born when individuals come together for a common cause. Whether its to improve collaboration and team work within a company or to support women leaders like New York City Women of Hospitality or Accelerate Women Leaders in Travel, goals and purpose bring people together and support the development of a shared bond amongst them. Create and facilitate connection How well a community creates and facilitates connection is probably one of the most important determinants of the value participants attach to it and what keeps them engaged and committed. Professionals and leaders are eager to hear the experiences of their colleagues and learn from both their successes and failures. Connection also contributes to a feeling of solidarity that is critical for leaders who might feel isolated or overwhelmed. Communities that do this best provide a “safe space” container or structure and programming that fosters interaction, dialogue and sharing. Inspire and motivate Let’s face it, sitting in our offices day in and day out or working at the same venues with the same people can be a grind. We can also get stuck in patterns of thinking and behavior and only see narrow solutions for our challenges. Communities provide opportunities to hear new experiences and information that can trigger renewed enthusiasm and dedication. Provide actionable learning One of the questions I ask myself when thinking about joining a community is: What will I learn here that will contribute to my career goals? I strongly believe that an educational component is critical for successful communities. I’m looking for opportunities to learn industry trends, solutions for challenges and actionable strategies that will help me grow personally and professionally. These learning opportunities can come from within the network from leaders who have a different set of skills, experiences and expertise than I do or from outside thought leaders. Integrate fun and energizing experiences You know what they say, "all work and no play"….professional relationships are founded on more than shop talk. These relationships can become stronger when individuals share experiences that bring in some form of “play” whether its an outdoor adventure, a volunteer activity or a mix and mingle event. To perform at their best, leaders also need periods of rest mixed with work. When I created Accelerate Women Leaders in Travel in 2019 it came from a very personal need to connect with other leaders like me. Accelerate has evolved and grown from a one off event into a community of connected and like-minded women leaders in hospitality and travel. I have found that each of the elements above have supported our growth and evolution and that they work interdependently to create an experience that our leaders come back to year after year. Are you looking for a leadership community in the hospitality and travel industry? Check these out! Each of these communities has regular conferences, events and/or networking calls and groups. Accelerate Women Leaders in Travel American Hotel and Lodging Association/ForWard hertelier HSMAI New England Inns and Resorts Association New York City Women of Hospitality Travel Unity Women Leading Travel and Hospitality Vermont Lodging Association (or your state hospitality association)  I always thought I was pretty good at asking for and receiving feedback. However, a recent experience made me pause for reflection, and when I took a step back to observe my behavior, I actually laughed at myself when I realized the significant lesson I could learn. I gave a document to a colleague to provide feedback. When she gave me her input, she noted a minor wording change that had been made that had potentially big implications in perception and buy-in for our project. It wasn’t that I didn’t agree with her opinion on the change that was needed. I had noticed the change that was made by someone else involved in the project but in the haste of things I moved on and didn’t take action. I was also very proud of the work I had done and had spent specific time ensuring that the tone and messaging was appropriate. So when feedback was made on that theme, I wasn’t thrilled about it. Asking for and receiving feedback is important for two critical reasons. First, feedback allows us to learn and grow. We cannot improve our performance if we don’t know where improvements are needed. Second, asking for and receiving feedback well, demonstrates and models to others that feedback is a normal and necessary part of personal and professional development and helps to create a culture of continuous improvement. Knowing the importance of receiving feedback, here are some lessons and guidelines for becoming a master in this skill set.
Feedback in all of its forms is actually a true gift. It takes a lot of courage for the person sitting across from you to give that feedback directly and there are more times than not in your career where colleagues and leaders will actually avoid it, especially as you grow as you become a more senior leader. Having a growth mindset around feedback- the understanding that your abilities and intelligence can be developed through hard work and perseverance - will help you separate the feedback from a tendency to take things personally and will only help you to grow and develop beyond your expectations.
Be 100% accountable When I received the feedback on my project, I initially could only see that the feedback was not mine to receive. In other words, I became defensive and was quick to assign responsibility to someone else. I was so convinced in my viewpoint, that I made additional efforts to reason and explain why the mistake had happened. And then, in a light bulb moment, I saw what I was missing. There is a difference between taking responsibility for the feedback and being accountable for the feedback. Taking responsibility is about owning mistakes or need for improvement for your assigned and executed tasks. Being accountable is about owning the outcomes and results of your role. I knew my truth and didn’t need to internalize responsibility for the changed document. However, the much better response would have been to thank the feedback giver for their input and work to make it right without excuses. I was the “leader” of this project, and it was my job to be 100% accountable. Trust your judgment Feedback is a prominent theme in my coaching work. I gave a recent leadership training for a management team at a hotel in which creating a cultural of feedback was a central part. I also hear it in my one on one coaching sessions with clients. In one example, a client who is very genuine and skilled in this area, received feedback from a colleague that didn’t fully resonate with her. There are times when feedback may not be 100% true. Feedback givers come with their own personal perspectives and viewpoints which can cloud the ability to give accurate feedback. In the worst cases, the feedback giver could be projecting their own deficiencies and insecurities on to you. Remember to trust your own judgment and get multiple perspectives, while also realizing that there is always some truth to feedback. My client also said very wisely in this case that perception matters regardless of the level of absolute truth. Take action Finally, what’s the point of getting feedback if you don’t take action on it? The true test of your ability to receive feedback is whether or not you have learned from it and taken action to improve upon it. The journey through receiving and acting on feedback is an intricate dance of humility, growth, and resilience. My recent reflection illuminated not just a blind spot in my own approach to feedback but also a universal truth about human nature and the continuous quest for improvement. The realization that feedback is a gift, one that requires an open heart and mind to fully appreciate and learn from, has been transformative. Let us carry the lessons learned with grace, understanding that each piece of feedback, whether easy or difficult to digest, is a stepping stone towards our better selves. In embracing feedback with a genuine desire for growth and a commitment to accountability, we not only enhance our personal and professional development but also contribute to a culture that values and promotes continuous learning. Let's cherish the feedback we receive, trust our judgment, and take decisive action to mold a future marked by excellence and enduring success. |
AuthorRachel Vandenberg is a leadership coach living in Stowe, Vermont with her husband and three children. Rachel also owns and operates a hotel and attractions property with her family. She sits on the board of the local tourism association and also created a leadership retreat for women leaders in travel. Archives
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